An American Hospital Eliminates Paid Bathroom Breaks; Installs Computers In Restrooms For Mandatory Nurse Charting

Gainesville, FL— Barner Hospital officials have confirmed all staff restrooms were outfitted with ?computers last week to help improve nurse charting efficiency and cut down on unproductive work hours that threaten the bonus structure of top administrative officials.

“After great thought and input from ourselves, we concluded the ten year plan just didn’t have wiggle room in the budget for paid restroom breaks,” said Dan Stenwick, Chief Financial Officer at Barner.

“Over the last few years, we’ve had to make some difficult sacrifices on behalf of our team members to maintain our rapidly rising salaries here in administration. After already eliminating 401-K matches and changing to a $10,000 per year high deductible healthcare plan, we felt getting rid of paid bathroom breaks was the most logical next step.”

Starting today, all nurses will be GPS tracked at every moment in the hospital and sophisticated computer algorithms will be able to flag nurses – in real time – who fail to perform any charting while taking refuge in the restroom.

“It’s important for our nurses to know that this new policy is not optional and failure to chart while you fart is grounds for immediate dismissal. ?To help set the stage for our new era in efficiency, we have renamed all our staff restrooms to chartrooms,” said Dan.

To enforce the new policy, Barner Hospital hired six new Charting Enforcers to hand out pink slips under the bathroom stalls – 24 hours a day- when nurses are caught not charting with their pants down.

Surprisingly, the policy was receiving mixed reviews by nursing staff. Some of the old-time nurses were outraged while most of the new graduates just figured it was for the good of the team, because they just didn’t know any better.

The seasoned nurses have reason to be concerned. Some studies have suggested multitasking increases the risk of errors for all tasks and one nurse, who wished to remain anonymous, confirmed that finding.

“This new policy is crap. I give it a year or two before they figure out how ridiculous it is, like everything else new they try around here,” said the experienced nurse. ?”While going #2 this morning,  I accidentally charted I gave 2 Dilaudids instead of 1. Talk about a near miss error!”

Barner quality officials say they have anticipated a rise in multitasking errors and have implemented forms to track #1 and #2 type errors in the chartroom with the hopes of fine-tuning a training program to minimize chartroom errors in the future.

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